My Birth Story
Birth stories are deeply personal.
They are not just about what happened, but about how it felt
to live through it.
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This is my story. I share it not because it is dramatic or unusual, but because it is, in many ways, familiar.
My hope is that as you read, you feel as though I am sitting beside you, talking honestly and without filters.
Not to tell you how birth should be, but to remind you that whatever your experience, your feelings are valid and your story matters.
Expectations and Preparation
My birth story is, in many ways, similar to so many others. Even when we believe we are open to different outcomes, we still create expectations. I certainly did. What mattered most to me was knowing what I did not want, and the path I hoped to avoid because of fear.
I had an easy pregnancy and stayed active throughout. Pilates and the birth ball became part of my routine, and I truly believe they helped me prepare. I also practised hypnobirthing, which supported me greatly, but preparation does not guarantee control.
When Labour Began
My contractions started at 41 weeks in the afternoon. I told my husband to rest, knowing it could be a long night. I worked with the contractions through the evening and into the next morning, when the intensity increased.
The hot shower became my safe place. The warmth helped me breathe, focus and work with the sensations.
I went to the hospital but was sent home as I declined examinations and pain relief. I spent a few more hours at home, once again relying on the shower to cope.
Returning to Hospital and Letting Go
As labour intensified, I retreated into my own bubble. When we returned to the hospital, I faced a disappointment I had hoped to avoid. Both birth pools were in use. After hours of labouring in water at home, I had truly hoped for a water birth. Accepting that this would not happen was difficult.
To add to this, gas and air was not available in my room. Despite believing I had been flexible, frustration crept in. I knew I needed to let go of these emotions to allow labour to continue.
Long Hours and Exhaustion
By around 20 hours into labour, exhaustion set in. The toilet became the only place I found comfort, supported by my husband, whose care and presence meant everything. The peanut ball also brought relief and quickly became my closest ally.
During this time, I had to advocate for myself regarding antibiotics, as I had tested positive for GBS earlier in pregnancy. I chose to wait until they were truly necessary.
At nearly 24 hours, I reached my limit. I remember very little from this phase. I was deeply inward and could only manage small requests, like asking for water.
Epidural and Slow Progress
I requested an epidural, which unfortunately required two attempts. When it finally worked, the relief allowed me to breathe again and find a moment of calm.
Induction followed, and as time passed, I was unable to walk due to numbness. With a catheter, regular antibiotics, frequent examinations and an epidural that later showed signs of being misplaced, I reached around 40 hours in labour.
Despite reaching 9 cm, I did not fully dilate.
Making a Difficult Decision
We tried everything. Changing positions, using pillows and the peanut ball, sitting upright to encourage gravity. The CTG trace made movement difficult and progress did not come.
I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. So was my husband.
It was time to make another decision. A caesarean.
Birth and Aftermath
My baby was born 42 hours after labour began. Contrary to what many expect, my caesarean experience was not positive. Exhaustion, fear and technical issues with the epidural meant I felt more than I had anticipated. The team tried to encourage me, but I felt overwhelmed and just wanted it to be over.
When my baby was born, everything stopped. All I wanted was my baby in my arms.
Reflection and Healing
Looking back, there are many small things that could have supported me better. My transition into motherhood was not straightforward and it deeply affected my mental health. I experienced postpartum depression and intense baby blues. The hormonal shift was overwhelming.
Months later, with the support of therapy, I can now look back with more compassion. I am deeply grateful that my baby was born healthy and without complications.
On paper, my birth may appear uncomplicated. But how we experience birth goes far beyond clinical outcomes. We all carry fears, expectations and histories that shape how birth feels.
This is my story. It belongs to me.
Your story will belong to you.
A Message for You
The most powerful thing you can do is focus on what you can control and prepare as well as possible. The rest will be shaped by your body, your baby, your support, your care team and your timing.
And if you ever need to hear this, you are doing an amazing job. I believe deeply in your strength, even if you have not discovered it yet.
As a doula, my work is shaped by lived experience, evidence-based knowledge and deep respect for each person’s unique journey. Birth does not need to be perfect to be powerful, and healing does not come from pretending things were fine.
If my story resonates with you, know that you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, your experience matters, and you deserve to feel supported, heard and held, whatever your path into parenthood looks like.